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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25349863">Matt gets Twitter and other fun things</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Daredevil (TV), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempt at Humor, Chatting &amp; Messaging, Gen, Marvel Cameos, Matt Murdock Needs a Hug, Social Media, Team Red, Twitter, but the only one truly deserving of the himbo title is matt, large amounts of pop culture references, poor team dynamics, the whole of team red is below average intelligence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:08:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,106</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25349863</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>DD @dohk</p><p>Where am I</p><p> </p><p>Webs @officailspiderman</p><p>@dohk i luv u w my hole heart 💓 </p><p> </p><p>DD @dohk</p><p>@officailspiderman What the fuck</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Matt Murdock &amp; Peter Parker &amp; Wade Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>288</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. the beginnining</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is so bad i'm sorry for unleashing it unto the world ugh tell me if u want me 2 continue tho I need an ego  boost mmm   </p><p>also tell me if the users r too hard 2 understand !! </p><p>(beware this story contains a vague amount of internet slang, tread cautiously thru the minefield of bad decisions)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>MM: </b>I’m not making a Twitter account</p>
<p><b>MM: </b>Please stop asking me</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>WW: </b>auhwjwnejdjfkckcowkkwpw</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>MM: </b>You know my fucking screen reader can’t process whatever the fuck you said right question mark</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>PP: 🙈😫🥺😳😆😞🍊😑👸😞😆🧺</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>MM: </b>What the fuck exclamation point exclamation point exclamation point</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p><b>Webs </b>@officailspiderman</p>
<p>please guys hnnng 😛 ik i spelt my user wrong stop dming me i’ve been crying since i started this account in january 😫😮</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Kate B </b>@arrowgirl</p>
<p>@officailspiderman can someone control this boy he’s literally insane </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Beef Dragon </b>@adrianmc</p>
<p>@officailspiderman @arrowgirl I have a theory that he can’t read an he’s just been autocorrecting his button smashing in his tweets for months</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Webs </b>@officailspiderman</p>
<p>@officailspiderman @adrianmc u thinkl ur soooi funny mr dragon ha ha hah I am literally depressed because of your message</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p><b>PP: </b>see howfun it is!!! 😍😍💘💘😮😆😆💔😑👍💔😑👀💖👀👀👀👸👸🥺🙈😄😋😄😛😝😃😂😛 </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>MM: </b>It took me a minute to listen to your text</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>PP: </b>im gonna mak u an accounyt 👍</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p><b>DD </b>@dohk</p>
<p>Where am I</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Webs </b>@officailspiderman</p>
<p>@dohk i luv u w my hole heart 💓 </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>DD </b>@dohk</p>
<p>@officailspiderman What the fuck</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p><b>WW: </b>ahahaisdddkdmxncn hwkwl☆〜（ゝ。∂）</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>MM: </b>Do you know what’s wrong with Wade question mark</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>PP: </b>hes typying w his tongue I think</p>
<p><b>PP: </b>tbh banger move</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>WW: </b>kwoelfkfiijtnfkg jfkfn c. F fitness kk 😑</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>PP:</b> he saidf he lost his arm lol 💖</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>MM: </b>Oh my God period</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>PP: </b>period bitch 💋</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p><b>Webs </b>@officailspiderman</p>
<p>DD is the ben of team resd deadpiol is andy i am  ,tom </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>(*☻-☻*)</b> @wadesworld</p>
<p>@officailspiderman counterpoinrt: I am jean jalphio </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Webs </b>@officailspiderman</p>
<p>@officailspiderman @wadesworld that is a goos point may hav to sleep on that</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>DD </b>@dohk</p>
<p>@officailspiderman Who names their child Ben what the Hell you can do better than that</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Webs </b>@officailspiderman</p>
<p>@officailspiderman @dohk JEAN RALPHIOOOOOOO</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>4 DAYS LEFT!! </b>@tinylittleboy</p>
<p>@officailspiderman @dohk we’re watching live daredevil become unhinged strap ur feet on they may come off in the turbulence </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Webs </b>@officailspiderman</p>
<p>@tinylittleboy ur living up to ur name thru naivety it seem😳 s for DD was alr unhinged he was the blueprint  the og batshit vigilante 💓 we all love him</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Carrie </b>@kikoty</p>
<p>@officalspiderman what r u even saying half the time jfc I cant believe stark said this account was legit I’m cryinggg 😭😭</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>(*☻-☻*) </b>@wadesworld</p>
<p>@officailspiderman @kikoty 💋💋💋</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p><b>Iron Man ✔️ </b>@tonystark</p>
<p>I, in no way, shape or form, align myself with whatever the fuck Spider-Man is saying on Twitter</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p><b>(*☻-☻*) </b>@wadesworld</p>
<p>SPIDEY JUST GOT DISOWNEDDDD 😛😛😛😌😌😆😪😄😄💓</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p><b>*wiggles fingers* </b>@wiccan</p>
<p>hey @dohk why do u go out every night and fight people asking 4 a friend 💖</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>DD </b>@dohk</p>
<p>@wiccan therapy is expensive</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. #redama</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Matt gets stabbed, it is less of a problem than it should be. Also, team red answer some questions. The validity of these answers is in the air right now.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>JUSTTT 2 b clear Peter is out of highschol right now!! I’m thinking like 19 years old, while Matt is like 32 or smth. Wade is something . </p><p>Also I kinda mashed mcu Peter and just like the general concept of him 2gether ... so it’s like a mishmash of mcu and 616 ugh idk he jus exists. Wade is just wade and team Matt is mostly from the mcu because I love Karen staying alive and well.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>*wiggles fingers* </b>
  <span>@wiccan</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Link for a gofundme to get @dohk therapy!!!!: </span>
  <a href="http://bit.ly/398KlaJ">
    <span>http://bit.ly/398KlaJ</span>
  </a>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Webs </b>
  <span>@officailspiderman</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@wiccan WHO DONATWSD $100 IM SCREMAING 😭😭</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span>come onnn redthaniel they jus wanna help uuuuuu 😌😌 free therapy babes 💓</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>I’m 10 years older than you don’t call me that</span>
</p><p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>Also do I have to write this into my taxes as income</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>WW: </b>
  <span>tax fraud tax fraud tax fraud tax fraud</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>FN: </b>
  <span>MATT DONT GET MAD BUT I WAS THE ONE WHO PUT $100 IN THE GOFUNDME</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>What the fuck Foggy</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>FN: </b>
  <span>I am so sorry but also as a friend I know there’s no other way to get you to go to therapy other than the promise of free things</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>I grew up frugal it’s in my blood</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>KP: </b>
  <span>fuck yeah Matt’s getting fixed</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>colon opening bracket</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>🙄💋 </b>
  <span>@babyhands</span>
</p><p>
  <span>wut if when @dohk goes 2 therapy his anger issues get solved an DD just like fuckin stops like good 4 him but also fuck u man</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>DD </b>
  <span>@dohk</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The user sadly named @babyhands has given me a flimsy reason to refuse the concept of therapy but also I could use the money my heater hasn’t worked in a month</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Webs </b>
  <span>@officailspiderman</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@dohk one can only achievq tru physical warmth intil thy hav experienced emotional fullwnwss and health and warmth 💔</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>DD</b>
  <span> @dohk</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@officailspiderman I fucking hate you all the time you literally piss me off every single minute of the day</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Webs </b>
  <span>@officailspiderman</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@dohk I live to please. 🙏💘</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>(*☻-☻*) </b>
  <span>@wadesworld</span>
</p><p>
  <span>just had a thought</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Webs </b>
  <span>@officailspiderman</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@wadesworld omg congrats </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>(*☻-☻*) </b>
  <span>@wadesworld</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@officailspiderman #thanks </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>(*☻-☻*) </b>
  <span>@wadesworld</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@officailspiderman anyway does tilda swinton canonically exist in this universe or am i trippin balls </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>Hey Claire I got stabbed again what are the odds </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CT: </b>
  <span>Matthew please get a suit again your black shit clearly isn’t enough </span>
</p><p>
  <b>CT: </b>
  <span>I’m coming over</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MM:</b>
  <span> My symbol was ruined it feels wrong to wear the Kevlar now </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CT: </b>
  <span>you’re an idiot but fine</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>doreen🐿✨ </b>
  <span>@squirrelgirl </span>
</p><p>
  <span>just saw daredevil get fuckin stabbed but DOnt worry i was there w my flute sooo I played him a small melody of healing he should be fine 💖</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>DD </b>
  <span>@dohk</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whoever the fuck was playing a sea shanty while I was losing approximately 1 pint of blood why</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>NL: </b>
  <span>ngl is daredevil okay </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span>NOOOOO</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MJ: </b>
  <span>one time he walked me home and I had to educate him on racial bias in the superhero world. he was pretty clueless about it </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span>HAHAHA GONNA SHOW HIM UR TEXT</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>PP:</b>
  <span> [shared an image] </span>
</p><p>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span>wait shit you cant readdddsbwnandndnsn </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MM:</b>
  <span> Are you editing pictures of me again</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>WW: </b>
  <span>heer that redjamin !! 😍 mj thinks ur uneducatedsh 🙈🙈🙈</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>I’m so tired</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>Webs </b>
  <span>@officailspiderman</span>
</p><p>
  <span>ITSA TIME FROOO TEAM RED AMA!!!!! Send in cool swag questioan and we will lauf abt ur pfps under the mask of anonymity 😌😌 n e way use the tag #redama</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>Emma🧕🏾 </b>
  <span>@emmaali</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Did DD enjoy the sea shanty #redama</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>DD </b>
  <span>@dohk</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@emmaali It was a solid piece</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>🌱cottagecore gf</b>
  <span>🌿 @lesbianwaif</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Is anyone gonna get Instagram??? 🥺🥺🥺 #redama</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>(*☻-☻*) </b>
  <span>@wadesworld</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@lesbianwaif red hates fun webs alr has one and I don’t think my nintendo supports instagram 😃🙏🙏🥰🥰🥰🥰</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>gorb </b>
  <span>@sevenfingers</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@wadesworld oh you eat ass? #redama</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>(*☻-☻*) </b>
  <span>@wadesworld</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@sevenfingers PERHAPS</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>💘watergate💖 </b>
  <span>@tommysheperd</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wut r the webs made of #redama</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Webs </b>
  <span>@officailspiderman</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@tommysheperd god I fuckinn wish 😞</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>💘</span>
  <b>watergate💖 </b>
  <span>@tommysheperd</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@officailspiderman u didn’t even answer the question</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>Tangy stan </b>
  <span>🍊🍋 @xjoyyth </span>
</p><p>
  <span>#redama why r y’all idiots </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>DD</b>
  <span> @dohk</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@xjoyyth Look comma my brain checked out straight after I left College it only keeps functioning so it can move the rest of my body around nothing more nothing less</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Tangy stan 🍊🍋 </b>
  <span>@xjoyyth</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@dohk haha daredevil went 2 college fuvking nerd</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>DD</b>
  <span> @dohk</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@xjoyyth I can never escape</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. legal drama</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Matt keeps getting relentlessly bullied, Peter is sued and Wade finds a friend in his bathroom.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank u all for such nice comments and kudos’ 🥺🥺🥺 it made me smile a lot omg</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>Webs </b>@officailspiderman</p><p>waa woooo ho waaa a a pew doo</p><p> </p><p><b>cluck cluck </b>@roastedcatmeat</p><p>@officailspiderman it izz wut it iz </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>FN:</b> No Karen you don’t understand, it ahwkelwkwpdodjs</p><p><b>FN:</b> Sorry nearly got kidnapped</p><p><b>FN: </b>Anyway, yes, it is gay to listen to carly rae jepsen </p><p> </p><p><b>KP:</b> hmmm</p><p><b>KP: </b>I guess I have something to tell you guys </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>WW: </b>eyyhey red I jus saw ur baby daddy walkinsg home from work probabsoy </p><p> </p><p><b>PP: </b>BABGY DADDY!??????!!!?!!?</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>PP: </b>GUYSSSSS😭😭😭</p><p><b>PP: </b>[shared an image]</p><p> </p><p><b>MJ: </b>I predicted this months ago</p><p><b>MJ: </b>ask him when our next lunch is</p><p> </p><p><b>NL:</b> woah u guys get lunch ?? 🥺 can I come?</p><p> </p><p><b>MJ:</b> bye</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>MM: </b>I don’t even have a fucking partner how would I have a baby</p><p> </p><p><b>WW:</b> he had hair that looked like this *swooping motion to the left of my head*, yea big, thick fingers, very very sexy moustache..</p><p> </p><p><b>MM: </b>You gave me the least useful description I’ve ever heard </p><p> </p><p><b>WW: </b>well, </p><p> </p><p><b>MM: </b>You can’t just leave a conversation like that</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>DD </b>@dohk</p><p>H</p><p> </p><p><b>swoodle </b>@lemonademouth</p><p>@dohk spitting straight facts</p><p> </p><p><b>Benny🥰 </b>@bnjhe</p><p>@dohk he’s only been on twitter for a week and he’s already breaking down 😫😫😫 y’all would ruin a man for a slice of cheese</p><p> </p><p><b>(*☻-☻*) </b>@wadesworld</p><p>@dohk @bnjhe Ive done it 4 less 💋</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>HH: </b>Tony told me to tell you to stop climbing the windows you’re getting dirt marks on the glass</p><p> </p><p><b>PP: </b>tell him No 💖</p><p> </p><p><b>HH: </b>Alright I wasn’t going to mention it but the fact that you managed to tag a whole entire building with a giant spider gives us reason to sue for property damage</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>PP: </b>MATTT I NEED A LAYWER WHAYETH FUCK</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>To: </b>tony.stark@starkindustries.com </p><p><b>From: </b>shadowdarknessfighter476@hotmail.com</p><p> </p><p><b>I’m sorry about the Window Marks</b> </p><p> </p><p>Hello Mr Stark,</p><p> </p><p>Good morning, I have emailed you to discuss my previous endeavour with the state of the windows on the outside of the Stark Industries building, which I have been interning at for many moons now. I am sorry for any trouble caused and will be prepared, if any legal trouble comes my way for how I woefully disrespected the cleanliness of your company. I thought it would be an amusing idea and I admit defeat. However, if you choose to sue me I will definitely cry. Big fat child tears and I will film it and put it on youtube. Also I have a lawyer </p><p> </p><p>Please I’m sorry I’m just a child i haven’t the faintest idea why I did that it was a moment of poor judgement </p><p> </p><p>Thanks! Peter 🥰</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>Mattybraps </b>
</p><p> </p><p>18:38</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>mute  keypad  speaker</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>add call  FaceTime  contacts</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Peter wait, delete the second half of the email… Actually fuck this, delete the whole email, I’m sending you a template.”</p><p> </p><p>“Lmao sorry already sent it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you just say lmao out loud.”</p><p> </p><p>“If I eated soap. I don’t eat it because I did. No I didn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Call ended</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>PP: </b>i think dd hates me 💖</p><p> </p><p><b>MM: </b>You’re right</p><p> </p><p><b>WW: </b>com 2 my place petey!! I found some new fungal growth in the bathroom it’s brown and tastes like sponges</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>MM: </b>I can’t handle being the straight man of the group I’m not even that serious it’s just Peter and Wade are such fucking idiots you can’t not gape at whatever they’re doing</p><p> </p><p><b>KP:</b> nows the time where I gently caress your back like your a wounded animal</p><p> </p><p><b>MM: </b>Thanks Karen</p><p> </p><p><b>KP: </b>yeah</p><p><b>KP: </b>can I go on my lunch break now </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don’t think I’m gonna add any ships to this except canon pairings like tony/pepper but that will all b super background ugh.. </p><p>Ngl the only pairing in any fandom I’ve ever like actively shipped is Kirsten/Matt but ahhh I don’t think kirstens gonna be in this rip 😫 tbh though Matt probably had a crush on foggy in law school lbr</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Mayonnaise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peter is sabotaging his reputation because it’s funny, Karen is disgusting and Tony Stark realises his mentee is a raging idiot.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>🌶team red🍒 </b>@spideyupdates</p><p>CURRENT: Spidey spotted in Central Park, harassing a food vendor</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p><b>Daily Bugle </b>@NYbugle</p><p>MASKED MENACE IN RED INVOLVED IN NEFARIOUS PLOT AGAINST NEW YORK’S FREE MARKET?</p><p> </p><p><b>Webs </b>@offcialspiderman</p><p>@NYbugle come onnnn man wtf at least clarify which one of usss 💋💋💋</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p><b>Daily Bugle </b>@NYbugle</p><p>SHOULD FREE SPEECH BE REVOKED? EXPOSING VICIOUS SPIDER-THEMED VIGILANTE’S ATTACK ON OUR CHARACTER!</p><p> </p><p><b>Webs </b>@officialspiderman</p><p>@NYbugle jesus guys I’m dyin over ere 😔😔😔</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p><b>FN: </b>wth is going on w Spider-Man and shit matty </p><p> </p><p><b>MM: </b>He told me the hotdog guy gave him mayonnaise </p><p> </p><p><b>FN: </b>jesus christ what the fuck</p><p><b>FN: </b>mayo???!!!!??</p><p> </p><p><b>KP: </b>it’s not even that bad?</p><p> </p><p><b>FN: </b>Karen u literally microwave ur coffee</p><p> </p><p><b>MM: </b>Wait really?</p><p> </p><p><b>KP: </b>it’s like a thing… </p><p> </p><p><b>FN: </b>u grew up working at a diner!! Yet u commit blasphemy to the coffee gods! Not to mention the pure tar that comes out of the coffee machine at work</p><p> </p><p><b>MM: </b>One time my teeth stuck together</p><p> </p><p><b>FN: </b>ONE TIME I spilt it on the ground and when I wiped it up it bleached the floorboards</p><p> </p><p><b>MM: </b>One time I knocked a full mug over and I could scoop it back up like jelly</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>KP [left the conversation]</b>
</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p><b>pagechronicles </b>follow</p><p> </p><p>image-01 image-02</p><p>here is the clear evidence that my coworkers hate me laugh away </p><p> </p><p><b>spideysting </b>follow</p><p> </p><p>girl maybe they have a reason ummm </p><p> </p><p><b>pagechronicles </b>follow</p><p> </p><p>omfg it’s not weird!!! Why do all my followers hate me</p><p> </p><p><b>cucumbersoup </b>follow </p><p> </p><p>girls be like “why does everyone hate me all I did was microwave my coffee” and you’re just supposed to say what they do is okay</p><p> </p><p>#americans are fucking out of their minds #holy shit what is going on #also that is the most coordinated take down between two people ive ever seen #queue </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p><b>MM: </b>Peter you are legitimately getting bad press because of the hotdog thing I think it’s best to quit while you are ahead</p><p> </p><p><b>PP: </b>come onnn im just a little boy! I got teensy man hands I ain’t doin anything wronggg look at me ! I’m tiny little,,, little baby </p><p> </p><p><b>WW: </b>redtthew has a piinrt lmso 😍😍</p><p><b>WW:</b> *piont </p><p><b>WW: </b>*poinrt</p><p><b>WW:</b> help</p><p> </p><p><b>MM: </b>Peter ellipsis</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <b>HOLY HELL MR STARK</b>
</p><p> </p><p>3:09</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>mute  keypad  speaker</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>add call  FaceTime  contacts</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Hey kid, just trying to say that Happy was most likely joking about the sueing… probably.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mr Stark oh my god I am so sorry I didn’t even think about what I was doing at the time I just thought it would be funny and to be honest it was I don’t really regret it but also Happy telling me off made me feel bad maybe I should work on my self response to this kinda stuff I feel like I lac-”</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus kid, slow down, you’re not in <em> that </em> much trouble. It only cost a few thousand to scrub it off.”</p><p> </p><p>“HOLY CRAP A FEW THOUSAND?!”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> In case you forgot, </em>I have money flooding out of every pore on my body, relax.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can you not tell Aunt May, Mr Stark?”</p><p> </p><p>“Kid, pretty sure she already knows about it, it wasn’t exactly discreet.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p><b>MJ: </b>Peter, I think u should probably take some responsibility </p><p><b>MJ:</b> from a friends perspective, that shit was really bad ??? Kinda ? Idk just fucking fix ur public image </p><p> </p><p><b>NL:</b> omg dude <b>@PP</b> mj is calling u out</p><p> </p><p><b>PP: </b>im literally righte heere ned </p><p><b>PP:</b> also ig probably</p><p> </p><p><b>MJ:</b> dude just say you’ll do it and not half ass it. Ask tony or smth 2 teach u the ways of the superhero </p><p> </p><p><b>PP: </b>UGHHH!! I’m not THAT basd at being a superhero that Ironman has to teachj me shut up 😫😫</p><p> </p><p><b>NL: </b>bruh I saw u kick some dude and ur leg fucking crumpled </p><p> </p><p><b>PP: </b>okayyy so maybe i do need to learn how to fight probably </p><p> </p><p><b>MJ: </b>why do u only fucking listen when ned says it </p><p> </p><p><b>PP: </b>listen 2 wut</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p><b>PP: </b>heyyyy team !!</p><p><b>PP:</b> remembwr how u luv me a lot 💖</p><p> </p><p><b>MM: </b>Whatever you’re asking my answer is no</p><p> </p><p><b>PP: </b>girl hear me out first</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p><b>DD </b>@dohk</p><p>No offence but anyone younger than me sucks period this fact is about one singular person you know who you are</p><p> </p><p><b>lust rat ⚔️ </b>@sexybeast</p><p>@dohk WHO TAUGHT HIM TWITTER SLANG</p><p> </p><p><b>(*☻-☻*) </b>@wadesworld</p><p>@sexybeast @dohk trust me he doesn’t even know he’s using it 💋💋</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ngl there is going to be plot but also idk where it’s gonna end up so we’re all in for the ride ig</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Set Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Matt gets a new phone, I blatantly ‘foreshadow’ future vague plot points and themes and Tony Stark hates Karl Marx.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Again, thank you for all the love guys!! Everyone’s comments r so sweet and I love seeing people coming back 💖</p><p>I’m probably not going to take this off anon, simply because it doesn’t really fit w my other works ahhh idk 🥺🥺 we’ll see but if u wanna check out my serious stuff I’ll link my profile maybe (??) it’s kinda bad though lmao I talk too much bye</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>Help.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>WW: </b>
  <span>well well wellk,.., reds finally using punctuation huh </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MM:</b>
  <span> Fucking foggy ran over my phone with his ergonomic fitness chair. He bought me a new one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PP:</b>
  <span> hahnnhnsjj why couldfnt u hav normal punctuation befor um</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>Stark expects me to be able to set up accessibility features perfectly by using the screen? Peter tell him he sucks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>WW: </b>
  <span>dude wait ur phonw screen must be so cleasn if u neever touch it wtf</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span>virginal phone screen</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>Webs </b>
  <span>@officialspiderman</span>
</p><p>
  <span>WHERES that image of the cat u kno 😀</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ahhhhh</b>
  <span> @peehands</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@officialspiderman ur gonna hav to be more specific on this one man</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>DD </b>
  <span>@dohk</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@officialspiderman Get off of your phone and back kick the guy behind you. Thanks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Georgie 🥺🥺 </b>
  <span>@georgie2001</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@officialspiderman @dohk are you guys tweeting while fighting crime?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Webs </b>
  <span>@officialspiderman</span>
</p><p>
  <span>@georgie2001 shhh 💋 that’s a secret ill nevert tell 😍</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>MM:</b>
  <span> Anyway, Peter, how’s that thing with Stark going?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span>mr stark is a dirty dirty capitalist</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>WW:</b>
  <span> get his ass !</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>pagechronicles </b>
  <span>follow</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Check out my new freelance article for the bulletin:</span>
  <a href="https://nybulletin.com/the-social-ethics-of-heroism">
    <span>https://nybulletin.com/the-social-ethics-of-heroism</span>
  </a>
  <span> Where I tackle what it means to be a hero in the context of a western society and social reactions to vigilante justice and influence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>table-leg </b>
  <span>follow</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... although they might not be aware of it, civilians have and always will adopt, replicate and reinforce the actions of any certain superhero or vigilante. The question I pose today is a simple one: can we view this as good and relinquish crowd morality to those who fight without legal restrictions and regularly enforce brutality as a job, or can we view this as bad, and outlaw those who have actively and statistically proven that they’ve actually made the world a better place?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Holy shit, Page has done it again… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>#i still cant believe theres like legit one of the best reporters slash investigators in ny shitposting on tumblr #also like she used to repost daredevil fanart shes legit one of us #one of us one of us #anyway this article is Very Important and Good #queue</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>TS: </b>
  <span>Are you the one who keeps sending Marxist quotes to my private P.O. Box </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PP:</b>
  <span> perhaps 😃</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>TS: </b>
  <span>Kid, save the stamp money</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PP:</b>
  <span> MJ DISD SOME IT WASNT ALL ME FUCK</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>MJ:</b>
  <span> u blabbed didn’t u </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span>😀</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MJ: </b>
  <span>u owe me a mcdonalds sprite</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>NL:</b>
  <span> why do you even drink that stuff it tastes like how the garbage disposal sounds</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MJ:</b>
  <span> it feeds my dark and desolate soul</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PP:</b>
  <span> 💗💗💗 </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MJ: 🖤</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>NL: </b>
  <span>💖💘💝💕💞💓💗!!!!</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>WW: </b>
  <span>soooo redmantha.. who gonna train tiny man</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>You’re the one without a job, so realistically speaking… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>WW: </b>
  <span>u really want webs running around the city w the knowledge on how 2 shoot a fuckin gun lmao alr 🙈🙈</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>Fine I guess I’ll do it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span>ew wait dd probably gonna make me do spanish while we’re sparring wtf no</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MM:</b>
  <span> Hah, you think we’re going to be sparring. Got to build it from the ground up Pete.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<b>PP: </b>
  <span>LMAO NO WHAT??? WAFE COMW BACK NO 😭😭</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Soz this update was so tiny &gt;:(( I’ve started two other fics (idk why), I have a zine to do and exams r coming up, in short, I’m a mess.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. *biblical*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rocks are thrown, Matt continues to deteriorate and Wade is featured more.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>half of this was conceived while i was half asleep</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>DD (booty call)</strong>
</p><p>0:26</p><p>
  <strong>mute  keypad  speaker</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>add call  FaceTime  contacts</strong>
</p><p>“Wade, where the fuck are you two?”</p><p>“Hey Matty Patty, we’re in a warehouse, very cliche… oh crap what have you got there Peterman? HOLY SHIT!”</p><p>“Wh-”</p><p>“PETER PUT THE FUCKING ROCK DOWN!”</p><p>“Jesus Christ.”</p><p>
  <b>Call ended</b>
</p><p> </p><p>🌶<strong>team red</strong>🍒 @spideyupdates<br/>CURRENT: Man found alone in warehouse, bloody rock by his feet with obvious rock-related injuries. Spider-Man was seen fleeing the scene with Deadpool before the discovery.</p><p><strong>*licks ur teeth*</strong> @bendth<br/>@spideyupdates oh my god they fucking cain and abeled that bitch</p><p> </p><p><strong>WW:</strong> mattie the one in the group w the money rigte ?? Helwpw☆彡</p><p><strong>MM:</strong> I thought you were rich from your quote, unquote: kissing business.</p><p><strong>WW:</strong> k we r not getting into it rn but I lost it all and it involved a bvery interesting story inclusding a whole apple tree and my own asshole</p><p><strong>MM:</strong> Suddenly it becomes very apparent that the only reason team red exists is because we all wear the same colour. </p><p><strong>WW:</strong> &gt;:{|<br/><strong>WW:</strong> shuddupni I’m still mad u hot 2 the wrhouse late tbh</p><p><strong>MM:</strong> I was in court? ? ? !</p><p><strong>WW:</strong> oooo can I come nextrime </p><p><strong>MM:</strong> I don’t think you could even get through the detector, Wade. Half of your body is basically metal after you ingested that molten steel.</p><p><strong>WW:</strong> ah ah ah,,. Little matt, it actually came out in one piece like sum kinda vice versa sword swallowing</p><p><strong>PP:</strong> NO SHIT???</p><p><strong>WW:</strong> SPIDEY!! (๑&gt;◡&lt;๑) did u keep the cain rock like I told u </p><p><strong>PP:</strong> yesss bitch 😳😳💓 </p><p><strong>MM:</strong> Did you guys fucking kill that dude? What the fuck.</p><p><strong>PP:</strong> man has this been a crazy gap year huh</p><p> </p><p><strong>MM:</strong> Hey foggy, can you pencil in for me a mental health week? I think I’m going to walk into the ocean for 7 days.</p><p><strong>FN:</strong> I’ll throw seaweed in front of u as u walk into the sea it’ll be like ur wedding</p><p> </p><p>🌶<strong>team red</strong>🍒 @spideyupdates<br/>CURRENT: found really cute dog on the street :)</p><p><strong>not that patriotic</strong> @americachavez<br/>@spideyupdates does a literal child run this account who is writing this shit </p><p><strong>(*☻-☻*)</strong> @wadesworld<br/>@spideyupdates wait drop da address</p><p> </p><p><strong>PP:</strong> I sharpened my nails into points hhh😍<br/><strong>PP:</strong> gonnaummm cut a bitch! </p><p>
  <strong>MM [sent voice message]</strong>
</p><p><strong>PP:</strong> dam wtf there was no hesitation huh<br/><strong>PP:</strong> u rlly just had that stewing in ur brain 👀👀 a whole 10 minute rant girl u should take that gofundme up lik seriously 😳</p><p>
  <strong>MM [sent voice message]</strong>
</p><p><strong>WW:</strong> (ﾟ ωﾟ) </p><p>
  <strong>MM [sent voice message] </strong>
</p><p><strong>WW:</strong> ( ´_ゝ`)</p><p><strong>PP:</strong> ew why that one got a nose bruh wtf</p><p>
  <strong>MM [left the conversation]</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>PP added Matthew M. Murdock to jamaa township </strong>
</p><p><strong>WW:</strong> welcome back 2 twink central baby </p><p><strong>PP:</strong> this is freuds world were all jus living in it 💋</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>as always thank u guys from the bottom of my heat 4 all the kudos and comments :))) ily muah muah</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Timvlogs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Wade is stuffed back in the naughty corner, Peter's training continues and some 616 characters show up.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i hope yall dont mind the 616 stuff! im not gonna be using any plot points from canon or anything lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>Ashley </b>@crungle</p><p>wish I was lyin but spiderman just fuckin gouged me w his stiletto nails wtf </p><p> </p><p><b>Webs </b>@offcailspiderman</p><p>@crungle rawr </p><p>
  <br/>
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  <br/>
</p><p><b>MM:</b> Peter, meet me in Central Park in half an hour.</p><p> </p><p><b>PP: </b>woahwoahwoh u r grossly underestimating how far away queens is frm manhattan sis 💔</p><p> </p><p><b>MM: </b>Run.</p><p> </p><p><b>PP: </b>ur legit the most teerifying person I’ve evwr met</p><p> </p><p><b>MM:</b> I’m only the simple messenger for God’s will, now hurry hurry.</p><p> </p><p><b>PP: </b>gods will of wut?? he lehit givin me a fat ass from all this pilates u makinfg me do lolol</p><p> </p><p><b>MM: </b>God works in mysterious ways. </p><p> </p><p><b>WW: </b>you pious bitch</p><p> </p><p><b>MM: </b>You know what, I’m actually enjoying this training dynamic we have going on. </p><p><b>MM: </b>It’s galvanising.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p><b>MM: </b>Anyone have any minors in need of punching and/or kicking skills. </p><p> </p><p><b>Jessica Jones: </b>please take this mini hawkdouche off my hands she roundhouse kicked my flask and shot it with an arrow </p><p> </p><p><b>MM:</b> Tell her to be at Central Park in 25 minutes.</p><p> </p><p><b>Power Man:</b> I got one, he broke my favourite mug and needs an outlet for his rage</p><p> </p><p><b>White guy???: </b>ooo take me take me</p><p> </p><p><b>MM: </b>Bye Jessica.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jessica Jones: </b>😈🙏🚶</p><p> </p><p><b>MM: </b>Bye Jessica.</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>
  <b>SPIDER-MAN + DAREDEVIL IN CENTRAL PARK???? (GIRL IN PURPLE WAS THERE TOO) </b>
</p><p> </p><p><b>12,754 views ・ 13 Sep 2020                                          </b> <b>👍245  👎34</b> <b>   share  save  ・・・</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Timvlogs   3 subscribers                                                  SUBSCRIBE</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Wowee! What a fun time I had at Central Park thumbs up!</p><p>
  <b>SHOW MORE</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The video is 11 minutes long and features Daredevil, Spider-Man and the better Hawkeye fighting eachother in the middle of Central Park. Daredevil is visibly overheating in his clothes as he gets chased by Spider-Man and the better Hawkeye is soaking her arrowheads in nail polish remover. The better Hawkeye then lights a match and starts firing flaming arrows at the two others while laughing. There is a strong sense of delirium within their 3 person bubble and a crowd of park-goers watch in horror as Daredevil yanks a flaming arrow out of his thigh before biting the still-on-fire tip off and spitting it out like a dog with too much to prove. </p><p> </p><p>“Why do you suck so badddd,” you can hear Spider-Man shouting from offscreen (the camera is explicitly focused on Daredevil and his bleeding mouth). </p><p> </p><p>“Got it from you,” Daredevil  replies, spitting red onto the grass at his feet. </p><p> </p><p>The better Hawkeye tightens her ponytail before whistling a sharp noise. Lucky the pizza dog arrives at the scene and the better Hawkeye ditches, leaving behind a trail of fiery arrows stuck into the dirt, though the grass doesn’t catch on fire. </p><p> </p><p>“How can you even get it from me?! You’ve been doing this for years longer than me old man,” Spider-Man says, somehow even louder, as he methodically disposes of the arrows in the nearest garbage can.</p><p> </p><p>“When a man and a woman love eachother very much-” </p><p> </p><p>“HOW AM I LATE I’M THE FASTEST PERSON ON EARTH!” Speed, the twentieth fastest person on earth, has just arrived. </p><p> </p><p>The camera is shaking even more so than while the fires were going on as vlogger, Tim, starts mumbling unintelligible blubbering to the viewers. </p><p> </p><p>Daredevil is still seated on the ground as Speed zips around, his voice so sped up and high-pitched he sounds like Alvin on helium. Spider-Man stamps the last arrow out and sits down next to Daredevil before pulling out a crumpled piece of paper from somewhere (the long going theory is that his suit hopefully has pockets, just secret, very hard to see pockets, out of fear of literally any other answer) and the two get up. Daredevil grabs Speed by the neck before grappling to the nearest streetlamp. </p><p> </p><p>The video fades to black and so begins an 8 minute montage of Timvlogs holiday photos of Cambodia. The highlight photos is the collection of him with his wife feeding monkeys tiny slices of fruit through a wire fence and then the photo of Tim wearing a hat that reads ‘Irom Mann’ in Times New Roman, while the child from a neighbouring tourist family tries to pickpocket him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>38 COMMENTS</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>_lord_zuko_ </b>
</p><p>dd fuckinnn eating the ON FIRE arrows has same energy as ‘just put ur finger in the gun to stop it from shooting’ can’t believe this man has managed to stay alive for more than 3 months into adulthood</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>steam powered auto fool</b>
</p><p>Irom Mann really polished off this video huh</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Aurbey Tingles</b>
</p><p>9:37 Looking cute there Tim!</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Billy Kaplan</b>
</p><p>WHAT THE FYCJ TOMMMMY</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>psycho hat</b>
</p><p>run white boy run</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p><b>HIMBO RIGHTS </b>@suskxxy</p><p>does @dohk even have ears can anyone confirm</p><p> </p><p><b>DD </b>@dohk</p><p>They’re growing back.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ngl i forgot that im the one that is supposed to be updating this fic</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. descent into something</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I'm going crazy writing this, Matt is even more jaded and Peter is privileged.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this fic is slowly becoming harder and harder to decipher and I am not sorry</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>WW:</b>
  <span> does any kiknd of mud count as face masok or just lik special kimds</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>PP:</b>
  <span> omgomg </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>WW: </b>
  <span>feeling insecure gonna wash it of &lt;3</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>WW:</b>
  <span> it sunk into my pores ahh oh oh </span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>WW:</b>
  <span> the holes in my face r like little caves for the mud muah muah</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>WW:</b>
  <span> feelin dirty 😢😗</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>PP:</b>
  <span> wade dw ur not dirty.. xoxo just like aged,,,, vintage..</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MM:</b>
  <span> Being as dirty as a 1400’s peasant isn’t vintage, at most you’re just grimy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span>grimy, grimy boy</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>WW: </b>
  <span>gonna bark like a dog arf arf</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MM:</b>
  <span> 👨🦯</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span> MATTT USED EMOJI!!!11!!1!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MM:</b>
  <span> Foggy typed it for me.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>&gt;:)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>WW [shared an image]</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>(Wade sends a selfie of his half washed face, mud dripping from his face like mud, dripping from his face. His lips are pursed like a duck and his hand is stuck out in a peace sign. Each second tooth is knocked out and his mouth resembles a checkerboard.)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>WW: </b>
  <span>OMG! REDTASHA!!!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>PP:</b>
  <span> Wade👹 beautiful 🤤 wish dd could see rn 😺😺😺 hed die of too much sexual attraction</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MM:</b>
  <span> Okay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
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  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>DD</b>
  <span> @dohk</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Two human trafficker lackeys stoke my sticks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>mai 😈 </b>
  <span>@caramelldansen</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>@dohk cant have shit in detroit</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>MM:</b>
  <span> Why did Wade and I get permanently damaged from the gaining of our ’powers’ while Peter just got abs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>MM:</b>
  <span> Motherfucker cured his eyesight.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>WW: </b>
  <span>heyyy yeah (⁎⁍̴̆Ɛ⁍̴̆⁎) wheres his spider becoming trauma boooo get off the stage </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>PP:</b>
  <span> Matt jus jealous that he doessnt have abs OR eyes</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>WW:</b>
  <span> if only he could see all the porn twitter draws of us thre (๑･̑◡･̑๑)</span>
</p>
<p>
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  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>(*☻-☻*) retweeted</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>✨Robert Pattinsons tracksuit✨ </b>
  <span>@idiotteat</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>#teamred #nsfw #fanart</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This media may contain sensitive material. Your media settings are configured to warn you when media may be sensitive.                                  </span>
  <b>View</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>(*☻-☻*) </b>
  <span>@wadesworld</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Justttt 2 b clear the last tweet was for @dohk</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>pop pop </b>
  <span>@daybreak</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>@wadesworld amazingly, you’ve made me even more confused</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>DD </b>
  <span>@dohk</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>@wadesworld This holds no value to me.</span>
</p>
<p>
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  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>WW:</b>
  <span> I did not have sexual relations with that mailbox </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>FN:</b>
  <span> I did not ask to be added to thsi chat Matthew!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MM:</b>
  <span> You left the fried rice in the fridge, you suffer the consequences.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>FN:</b>
  <span> usjenfoflejhgghh everything u text is so drained of energy now just call me u can puncih me over the phone lines instead </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>Can I play the blind card right now. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>PP:</b>
  <span> go back! to the earth kingdom! u blind lunatic </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>I’m packing my bags.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>WW:</b>
  <span> el muchacho de los ojos tristes</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>(*☻-☻*) </b>
  <span>@wadesworld</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>WERE TWITCH STREAMING TMRWWWW FUCK WVERYONE ☆彡(◕ܫ◕✿)!!!! SEND TO OUR EMAIL WE WILL GIVE SHIT ADVICE</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Webs </b>
  <span>@officailspiderman</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>@wadesworld ITS GONNA B A CHRAITY STREME 💔💔💔🥶🥶😈🤫🤕💖🥶🥴🙄😓 well have a poll going the winner will b where we donate it to! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Paul Mark</b>
  <span> @irishpride</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Image description: a selfie of a middle aged man with two black eyes and no bottom teeth taken in what seems to be a cave. His haircut is tragic, with not one but two rats tails and a bald spot. In his hands he holds Daredevil’s batons.]</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Webs </b>
  <span>@officailspiderman</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>@irishpride bruh,,... lmao</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yes,,,, I am aware that wade and peter can kinda come off as a bit ableist in this :// idk if I wanna go the sympathetic route and have it actually addressed cause it would kinda take away from the texting styles hmmmgm</p>
<p>n e ways thanks again 4 all the support ily guys and wade loves u 2 ‧⁺✧(˶´⚰︎`˵✿)⁺‧</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. everyone was replaced by aliens after the last chapter but no one mentions it at all so you can't be sure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I grow a year older in both spirit and physical form, Matt is funnier in my head than on paper and there's literally nothing of note</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey my little stinkies im back</p>
<p>legit have no excuse 4 being gone im just fucking lazy. I only realised its actu kinda fun writing this when I was going thru emails on the train stg it was so nice but also embarrassing 2 b reading fanfic comments from u guys in public lmao but I love it thank u </p>
<p>Anwyayyyy,,, when this started I was trybna get a plotline going but its safe to say this is just pure crack now enjoy :]</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>DD </b>
  <span>@dohk</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wolverine called me a himbo.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>I have not seen a cat in a long time, but I still remember the main characteristics of what one would look like.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>PP:</b>
  <span> now ur jus doing it on purpose shit up 🙄🙄🙄 verbose bullshit alert 🚨</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>They still walk on 4 legs right?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>WW:</b>
  <span> god I wish </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>MM:</b>
  <span> Foggy, what do cats look like</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>FN: </b>
  <span>evil</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>KP:</b>
  <span> I’d say more conniving. there’s a glint in their eyes</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>FN:</b>
  <span> a glint made of evil</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>FN: </b>
  <span>and knives</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>KP [shared an image] </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>FN: </b>
  <span>LMAO</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>FN: </b>
  <span>Karen just sent an image of a cat looking real fucking smug while a knife is being held at its throat</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MM:</b>
  <span> Surely that’s illegal.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>KP: </b>
  <span>I don’t know lawyer man, how about u tell me</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>pagechronicles </b>
  <span>follow</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>My friend/workmate/??? forgot what cats look like here are the results…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>image-03</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>#matt im so so sorry #another page in the book </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>2,736 likes  968 reblogs</b>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Where did you find these people</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>heras-wife </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>@heras-wife they saved me from getting arrested for murder. It’s only gone down from there</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>pagechronicles </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>@pagechronicles ummmm??? That’s something new </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>chompchomp </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Why doesn’t he remember what cats look like 🥴 surely just look one up 😭😭</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>captain-jamerica </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>@captain-jamerica from context clues it’s pretty obvious but matt/mm is NLP haha</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>pagechronicles </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>PP:</b>
  <span> ew uve had sex? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span>this man FUCKS </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>SpadeSpillson  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Playing Just Chatting</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>English      AMA </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Welcome to the chat room!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>7_plays:</b>
  <span> what’s ur kill count </span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>7_plays: </b>
  <span>how many people have u killed</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>suckle:</b>
  <span> 🤠🤠🤠</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>7_plays:</b>
  <span> die? People count please</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>simon57: </b>
  <span>do you guys get paid for hero work?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>gaypossum:</b>
  <span> 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>fern_bab39:</b>
  <span> heyyy guys!!!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>7_plays:</b>
  <span> please</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>shawty_the_sheep:</b>
  <span> opinions on moon knight?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>mitski_stan: </b>
  <span>did anyone see the video timvlogs posted the other day anskdndkwkfjkdksjd</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>spidermans-fingernails </b>
  <span>follow</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A TRANSCRIPT OF THE HIGHLIGHTS OF THE TEAM RED CHARITY TWITCH STREAM:</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<ul>
<li><span>Jk there was nothing of note</span></li>
<li><span>JK JK it’s under the cut</span></li>
</ul>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Keep reading</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>WW: </b>
  <span>I’d say im pretty classy ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span>Snapping your shower head and washing your hair in the sink in an effort to become quote closer to the land unquote is not something one would regularly include inside the brackets of classy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span>aint he bold..</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>PP:</b>
  <span> what hair was he washing…..</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span>WAITSTTFFTT</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>WW: </b>
  <span>I feel like we’ve had a convo just like this b4… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
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  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<ul>
<li><span>SM: MAN FUCK THE CIRCADIAN RYTHM! That bitch got me waking up, period. </span></li>
</ul>
<p> </p>
<ul>
<li><span>DD: I actually don’t see colour </span></li>
<li><span>WW: *gasp* really?! he’s still saying this shit in 2021 can you believe it!</span></li>
<li><span>DD: wait fuck shit fuck I’m colourblind shit…. fuck like actually… help… </span></li>
<li><span>SM: *chanting* cancelled cancelled cancelled</span></li>
</ul>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>[someone asks if they get paid for hero work]</span>
</p>
<ul>
<li><span>WW: fuck off who gets paid for doing this shit</span></li>
<li><span>DD: you. You literally got paid</span></li>
<li><span>WW: technically that’s unprovable </span></li>
</ul>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>[spiderman, late to the live and stuck outside banging on the window]</span>
</p>
<ul>
<li><span>SM: let me in. let me INNNNN</span></li>
</ul>
<p>
  <br/>
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</p>
<p>
  <b>PP:</b>
  <span> BOOO Matt all ur friends r boring normie</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MM: </b>
  <span> Why are you hanging out with my friends?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>PP:</b>
  <span> actualym, throw the whole friend group away</span>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span>u guys r now my best friends</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MJ: </b>
  <span>fuck u</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span>Shut Up Go Listen To Bring Me The Horizon </span>
</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <b>WW:</b>
  <span> the least sexy place 2 put yr dick on a human person is def top of head or like arm pit</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MM:</b>
  <span> Back of knee.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <b>PP: </b>
  <span>nvm u my fav again</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
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